I’m not usually one for submitting a formal complaint, preferring instead to speak with the individual(s) concerned and see if a solution (or even a compromise) might be found. I am, however, a firm believer in giving praise where it is due, and offering thanks where it is justified, and I am always genuinely grateful when someone takes the time to formally acknowledge my contribution to a ‘job well done’.
Today though, I have decided to break with tradition and (rather publicly) lodge a series of complaints against that most insidious of uninvited houseguests…
‘Dear Covid’ by Gaynor Hall
The purpose of this missive is to state a few home truths,
I don’t suppose you’ll listen though, you’re renowned for being aloof!
The thing you need to understand, is your welcome you’ve rather outstayed,
And although we’ve tried to tolerate you, a reprehensible card you’ve now played.
You arrived here in 2020 and boldly knocked at our doors,
You ‘befriended’ not just the vulnerable, but the young, the rich and the poor.
You wandered the streets of our cities, closed all of our restaurants and shops,
Disrupted our kids’ education and caused foreign travel to stop.
And rather like a squatter, you insisted on extending your stay,
Disrupting another calendar year, refusing to go away,
Ensuring that plans (though cautiously made) were unceremoniously trampled
At will by you, mean spirited fiend, your path of destruction most ample.
I applaud you for your timing, disrupting half-term was inspired –
Preventing adventures further afield that had been (by us all) so desired,
But for every disappointment that you’ve ‘kindly’ sent our way,
There’s the hope of better times ahead that keeps the blues at bay.
So next time you target my children, and choose all our lives to disrupt,
Don’t expect any nicety of language – just a tone that’s both sharp and abrupt.
I’m hereby serving you notice, not withstanding the absence of rent,
That you’re really not much of a lodger and isn’t it time that you went?
Plan. Evaluate. Scrap. Repeat. 